So, August 6th, a notable for day for two reasons: first, it’s the anniversary of the dropping of the bomb on Hiroshima, and secondly (and more importantly) it’s the anniversary of the day I arrived in Japan, an anniversary that becomes more embarrassing each year.

14 years ago…exactly 14 years ago as I’m writing this about the time the plane landed (8:45am) Steve, Jackie and I walked out of the airport building at Narita into our first hot Japanese summer day, found the limousine bus stop and took the bus downtown. That first night we stayed in the Asia Centre in Aoyama. But I could only stay one night, not having booked, and so on that first day I found a room in gaijin house in Meijiro and moved there the next day.

As for the Hiroshima bomb anniversary, I have very mixed feelings about it. I don’t like the way the Japanese have made themselves into the victims of the war when in fact they were the agrressors, they started it, and they killed a lot more people all over Asia than died in Hiroshima. Also if the bomb hadn’t have stopped the war then, it would have dragged on for a couple more years, killing thousands on both sides. Of course dropping the bomb on a populaed city like Hiroshima ad Nagasaki was a terrible thing, but no more terrible than the Rape of Nanking by Japanese soldiers. The Pacific war was the responsibility of the Japanese military dictatorship of the period. All death, destruction and suffering can be placed at their door. It just goes to show you what a powerful force stupdity is when taken to extremes.
But that doesn't excuse the current Japanese leaders. They have put such a spin on the bomb that I think a lot of Japanese people now truly believe they were the victims of American agression. The Japanese have never come to terms with what they did; have never shown real remorse because they don't believe they did anything wrong. And that says something very disturbing about the Japanese pscyche.

14 years…I can’t believe it. I feel a little foolish at having lost control of my life in this way, or have I? Am I perhaps missing the bigger picture? I know I have ignored a lot of opportunities in the last 14 years, most notably the chance to learn the language. 14 years ago I wouldn’t have thought it would be possible to live in foreign country for that long and not learn the language, but I have proved it is possible, and that is an achievement in itself! Yes! … who am I kidding?
In 14 years I could have started several successful businesses (English schools perhaps), written a couple of books on Japan, completed a masters course or two, traveled extensively all over this country, wormed my way into several high paying teaching positions, had numerous exhibitions of my paintings (which I could have painted in the time)…etc But I didn’t.

But then again I know several people who have been here as long as me and they haven’t donethose things either. That’s not an excuse for me though – never compare yourself others, too closely, everyone’s circumstances, background, motivations are different.

Will I be here to bad mouth Hiroshima next year? Who knows. I would much rather be living in England, but England is England 1990 - the past is another country.