Friday 9th May
Got up at 6:30 and watched the news as I gnawed on half a grapefruit and crunched a bowl of barn flakes, and that's a brand name, not a generic term for flakes of bran. Sorry, I meant "bran" flakes back there, not "barn" flakes. But barn flakes would have been good in The Onion's list of Top Selling Health Cereal I read on their web site the other day:
1. Frosted Flax
2. Count Carobula
3. High-Fiber Shitabrix
4. Forest Floories
5. Dried Froot Loops
6. Kale-O's
7. Breakfast Bales
I particular liked High-Fiber Shitabrix. I think Barn Flakes would fit in well there.
Five students at Ogawa Tec this morning. Itoh brought me a cup of coffee, which was nice of him.
After the class I went to Ebisu Tully's and was pleasantly surprised to find it not crowded; I even got a window wicker chair, for the first time in a couple of months. So why wasn't it crowded this morning, but every other week it's been standing room only in there? SARS? Al Quida threat? Or was I just lucky in finding a small window of quiet, a customer oasis of low volume turnover, or something.
I sat and sipped my double lattee and wrote a few lines in the notebook on the subject of change.
Yesterday I was complaining that my life was uneventful, and I even wrote be careful what you complain and wish for because you might just get it. So I have had two events since then, one unusual and one unwelcome.
Yesterday I was walking to the station to take the train to AXA. I was waiting for the lights to change near Beckers. An old man comes up to me and starts talking to me. Not in an aggressive way just talking. He was wearing an old baseball cap. I'm usually quite polite to people like this and listen as best I can to what they say, even though, as in this case, they are usually speaking Japanese. I think they expect me to understand. So he is chatting away, I'm catching a little, he Koizumi and North Korea, so I realise he was talking politics. I looked him in the eye and looked as if I was paying attention, a trick I've learned from years of teaching English. The lights were changing to green. He looked for something in his pocket and handed me \150 and said something about coffee. I asked him why, but he was already walking away.
At the station the price of my ticket was also \150. Strange but true.
This morning at the Marunouchi line Ikebukero station I was, as usual, waiting for the train. I like to wait one line to the side, and so catch the next train…if you see what I mean. When the first queue gets on the train the next queue (standing to the right) moves over. Everyone knows the system. So I'm moving over when some fat guy walks as if to get on the train but actually stops at the front of the line, in the place where I should be. I say to him "Are you getting on the train?" He grunts something. I stand in front of him and wait for the train. From being a bit sleepy I am now wide awake and shaking slightly, with anger and the anxiety of confrontation - my parents and upbringing never prepared me well for aggressive confrontation. I sometimes think I should go to boxing club or something to get experience in that direction.
Pushing in like that was an unusual thing to do, and I start to think that perhaps this guy is a bit strange. He is standing right behind me and the train is coming in… is he going to push me on to the tracks! He didn't. I sat down, closed my eyes and tried to forget about him. But when I got off the train at Otemachi I think I followed him up the stairs. But there are so many fat greasy salarimen in Japan and they all look the same, so it was hard to say.
So here we are gain, in the bloody Select office on a Friday afternoon with a few hours of dreariness ahead before I can go home, and watch the weekend melt before me like a mirage in a desert, and solidify into Monday morning…bugger!
And the answer is? Always make sure that the way you make your living is what you would want to do anyway! Painters paint, writers write, climbers climb, runners run. Are they working? No, not really, but they are getting money for what they want to do. Surely they have lives to be envied. Perhaps envied is the wrong word to use, perhaps I mean they show us how life could be. It doesn't have to be an uneventful daily slog leading nowhere and adding nothing to ones personal growth. If that is what your life is then surely you are badly missing the point. While we can't all be painters, writers, climbers or runners we can all lead meaningful lives. I seem to be coming back to logotherapy and the work of Victor Frankl. I think I should read his ideas more carefully. I would like to do some kind of practical logotherapy or therapy or workshop or something, not just reading books about it. But being here in Japan limits me. Or does it?
2:25pm. Outside the sun is shining and it's not as humid ass it was yesterday. It would be a good day for a hike today. Emil was here yesterday and told me that he was in considerable pain for three days after that hike. I know how he felt, I felt just the same after me and William went for a hike a few months ago - we got off the trail and had a lot of hard extra up hill slogging. The week after I could hardly walk down steps, so I know what Emil is talking about. We talked about a summer Fuji trip. Emil said it was something he would like to do but after his experience on the hike I described as medium, he thinks he is dangerously under prepared for such an undertaking. I tried to persuade him that it was as much a mental challenge as a physical challenge. After my experience last year when I felt sick going up and coming down and didn't enjoy and couldn't take advantage of my time on the summit (one of the reason I went was to take lots of digital pictures on the summit). That was my 12th time on the summit…or was it 13th? And it was the first time I had felt sick like that. I must have felt like Jake felt when we went upon 1999. I vowed then, I have vowed before, that it was my last time on the top. Last year I was pretty sure we were leaving Japan and that it really would be my last time, but here I am. But this summer the baby will be born. I don't really want to leave the Harumi alone for a night, and I'm pretty sure she would be too pleased either. So a trip to Fuji this summer is not very likely.
3:05pm. The afternoon drags on, but then again if I was at home I'd probably be just as bored. Although on Wednesday when I had the afternoon off I went for a nice walk around the base. Isn't it just typical though, when I do get the day off I invariably waste it, and when I'm in the office I plot how to get the day off. As I said earlier the role model should be the person who doesn't "work" but does what they do. I work and sometimes do what I want to do, but don't get paid for it.
3:56 pm. Outside the sun is shining, inside it's just me, Yuki and Ayumi, thankfully K is out at a client. A short while ago a new cabinet was delivered - a replacement glass fronted one for the steel fronted one. I like office furniture; it's strong and practical.
4:07 pm. and it looks like the time between times is getting shorter… I'm starting to get sleepy now, mid-afternoon, need a coffee and something to eat. It's starting to get too warm for coffee though.
Outside a fire engine or perhaps ambulance sirens its way through the afternoon traffic. A strident amplified voice tells people to get out of the way and thanks them. I wonder where the fire is?
Friday, May 09, 2003
Thursday, May 08, 2003
Thursday 8th May
Got up at 6:40, had breakfast and watched reports on the latest movements of the white clad Panawave People. As usual they were in a lay by somewhere on a country road out in Booniville Japan. Left at 7:25 and caught the train…nothing out of the ordinary there. The Yurakucho line was a trial, it really was. It was horribly crowded, and as today was humid the journey to Iidabashi was even less pleasant than usual. So different from when I go to David's on a Sunday morning. Then the trains are nice and empty, I can sit down and enjoy the journey. I tried to keep in mind the wise words of Victor Frankl and his tenants of logotherapy, but it was just too crowded. I wasn't even listening to the iPod; I didn't put it on at Ikebukuro and on the train it was impossible to move.
Surprisingly humid today, got to Hitachi more than a little damp. Four students came in the end. We did the class and then I left. Got to the office at 11:15 after an uneventful journey… well, what else would it be? Eventful? There have no events in my life for quite a while. When was the last event?
And so here we are at the office, until 4:50 when I go to AXA, another uneventful day. Ah, but, John, be careful what you wish for, as they say. Do you want events to occur in your life? Have you ever read the "Monkey's Paw"?
After a long weekend, talking about Berlitz and not having to the office since last Friday, I start to think that perhaps it's not as bad as I thought. Perhaps it was a bit of a storm in a teacup… but then the evil threads of the office miasma start to penetrate my psyche and I realise that of course it is as bad as I thought. Even if the alternative is a Bi-Lingualesque succession of classes in small booths, it has to be at least different to this. I know I don't have a lot of work to do in the office, and that's partly the problem. Familiarity breeds contempt and madness. Get out while the goings good. You asked for an opportunity and here is one in your lap. Help from Barry and help from David, don't say you don't get help, don't say opportunities never come your way. We walk by them every day.
Right, so this one? Got to take a chance, and it's not even a chance. William went almost all the way but in the end changed nothing. Should have called yesterday, had the whole day off, and I have to admit that by 6:00 I was getting bored!
Got quite busy – Mathew and Emil arrived for training by Larry, embarrassing, I could hear it, repeat this, and again, faster, I could hear them cringe and hide it. Then pony tailed and deep voiced Sean arrived for probably more of the same.
I got out at 5:50 thank God and read Gurjieff on the train to AXA.
When I couldn’t see William in the crowded coffee shop I called him and he told he was upstairs in his classroom which is where I found him. We talked about how the fuck we can get out of the trap and out of the clutches of the black widow who sits in the middle. And we talked more on the train home.
Pretty good lesson, a good laugh quotient. Uragami told us about his dream job of a “companion” bodyguard he protected their bodies by day and violated by night, if he is to believed, bastard!
Home, dinner, lots of emails. One of which is from David and he tells me Berlitz is desperate for teachers and they will give white orchids if ask them.
Got up at 6:40, had breakfast and watched reports on the latest movements of the white clad Panawave People. As usual they were in a lay by somewhere on a country road out in Booniville Japan. Left at 7:25 and caught the train…nothing out of the ordinary there. The Yurakucho line was a trial, it really was. It was horribly crowded, and as today was humid the journey to Iidabashi was even less pleasant than usual. So different from when I go to David's on a Sunday morning. Then the trains are nice and empty, I can sit down and enjoy the journey. I tried to keep in mind the wise words of Victor Frankl and his tenants of logotherapy, but it was just too crowded. I wasn't even listening to the iPod; I didn't put it on at Ikebukuro and on the train it was impossible to move.
Surprisingly humid today, got to Hitachi more than a little damp. Four students came in the end. We did the class and then I left. Got to the office at 11:15 after an uneventful journey… well, what else would it be? Eventful? There have no events in my life for quite a while. When was the last event?
And so here we are at the office, until 4:50 when I go to AXA, another uneventful day. Ah, but, John, be careful what you wish for, as they say. Do you want events to occur in your life? Have you ever read the "Monkey's Paw"?
After a long weekend, talking about Berlitz and not having to the office since last Friday, I start to think that perhaps it's not as bad as I thought. Perhaps it was a bit of a storm in a teacup… but then the evil threads of the office miasma start to penetrate my psyche and I realise that of course it is as bad as I thought. Even if the alternative is a Bi-Lingualesque succession of classes in small booths, it has to be at least different to this. I know I don't have a lot of work to do in the office, and that's partly the problem. Familiarity breeds contempt and madness. Get out while the goings good. You asked for an opportunity and here is one in your lap. Help from Barry and help from David, don't say you don't get help, don't say opportunities never come your way. We walk by them every day.
Right, so this one? Got to take a chance, and it's not even a chance. William went almost all the way but in the end changed nothing. Should have called yesterday, had the whole day off, and I have to admit that by 6:00 I was getting bored!
Got quite busy – Mathew and Emil arrived for training by Larry, embarrassing, I could hear it, repeat this, and again, faster, I could hear them cringe and hide it. Then pony tailed and deep voiced Sean arrived for probably more of the same.
I got out at 5:50 thank God and read Gurjieff on the train to AXA.
When I couldn’t see William in the crowded coffee shop I called him and he told he was upstairs in his classroom which is where I found him. We talked about how the fuck we can get out of the trap and out of the clutches of the black widow who sits in the middle. And we talked more on the train home.
Pretty good lesson, a good laugh quotient. Uragami told us about his dream job of a “companion” bodyguard he protected their bodies by day and violated by night, if he is to believed, bastard!
Home, dinner, lots of emails. One of which is from David and he tells me Berlitz is desperate for teachers and they will give white orchids if ask them.
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Up at 6:15 am this morning. Warm but a little overcast, that cloud would fade away as the day moved on, and later little fluffy white clouds would float in a bright blue sky. At the same time the planet Mercury would drfit like a tiny black dot across the orange disc of the sun. I had lunch, had a nap and had a walk in that order.
Pasta for dinner...again?
Pasta for dinner...again?
Monday, May 05, 2003
Spent an hour on the phone with a Berlitz friend trying to decide my future - stay or go. At the moment going looks better than staying, but scarier. But then growth and change are always scary, aren't they?
We went for a walk in the warm early summer Tokyo sun, which felt especially nice because it was Monday and a national holiday.
I’ve been listening to my 2 new CD’s: The Bhundu Boys – “The Shed Sessions” a 2 disc set of their first 2 albums, and The Four Brothers – “Makorokoto”. Back on the early 1980’s The Bhundu Boys were at the vanguard of the World Music movement. I remember hearing them on John Peels and Andy Kershaw’s shows and really liking the sound. Then I went to visit Sean Best in Zimbabwe and didn’t actually go to see any music!! What was I thinking? I did see The Four Brothers in Bristol though.
Reading the liner notes to the Bhundu Boys CD brings a lump to my throat thinking about those days. A good time of my life in many ways – I had my own place in Bristol, no responsibilities and no thought of them either. If we left Japan next year and lived in England for the next 20 years I no doubt would feel the same about my Tokyo years. Is that how it will work out? It will work out exactly how I want it to, if I really want it to and I work towards it!
The important thing is not to get stuck in a comfort zone. You have to keep moving forward.
Let’s call the man from Berlitz tomorrow, after we have spoken to David and got my resume ready. The trickiest part, as always, is the details. Do I simply tell K I’m leaving, give her 2 months notice and in the meantime do the Berlitz training.
We went for a walk in the warm early summer Tokyo sun, which felt especially nice because it was Monday and a national holiday.
I’ve been listening to my 2 new CD’s: The Bhundu Boys – “The Shed Sessions” a 2 disc set of their first 2 albums, and The Four Brothers – “Makorokoto”. Back on the early 1980’s The Bhundu Boys were at the vanguard of the World Music movement. I remember hearing them on John Peels and Andy Kershaw’s shows and really liking the sound. Then I went to visit Sean Best in Zimbabwe and didn’t actually go to see any music!! What was I thinking? I did see The Four Brothers in Bristol though.
Reading the liner notes to the Bhundu Boys CD brings a lump to my throat thinking about those days. A good time of my life in many ways – I had my own place in Bristol, no responsibilities and no thought of them either. If we left Japan next year and lived in England for the next 20 years I no doubt would feel the same about my Tokyo years. Is that how it will work out? It will work out exactly how I want it to, if I really want it to and I work towards it!
The important thing is not to get stuck in a comfort zone. You have to keep moving forward.
Let’s call the man from Berlitz tomorrow, after we have spoken to David and got my resume ready. The trickiest part, as always, is the details. Do I simply tell K I’m leaving, give her 2 months notice and in the meantime do the Berlitz training.
Sunday, May 04, 2003
I've been doing a lot of work on the new Cargo Cult. web site.
I wonder if the link will work or not...
I wonder if the link will work or not...
Oh...it works...oh!
Errr...well, I guess I should take back all those nasty words I used.
Thank you Blogger!
I never doubted for a second...that you were the one!
I wonder what the problem was? Just shows eh? Be patient, be calm and things will turn out in the end.
I feel embarressed that I lost temper.
Errr...well, I guess I should take back all those nasty words I used.
Thank you Blogger!
I never doubted for a second...that you were the one!
I wonder what the problem was? Just shows eh? Be patient, be calm and things will turn out in the end.
I feel embarressed that I lost temper.
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